The Search of Futility

So, I'm sitting here, in front of my computer thinking, "I have a blog now, whatever do I do with this thing?" Apparently I am supposed to write things that I want the whole world and it's Grandma to see. Unfortunately for you all, my panties are not on that list. Sorry. They are really great, though.

I spent a few minutes today on Myspace and Facebook trying to find some old friends of mine. Anyone really. I only talk to one friend from high school on a regular basis, though I'm in touch with a few of them. And he really only wants to talk to my husband because I don't play the same kinds of video games he does. Come on! Send a little love my way! The sad thing for me about searching for old friends, especially ones from high school, is that I realize over and over again how much I miss having that group of friends. I have friends now, but almost all of them were ones I met through my husband, so they aren't my friends. My old friends though, well, I knew that they liked me for me. When they called, they called to talk to me. I was found interesting and unique, even if I really wasn't. I had a lot of friends. I wasn't popular, not by a long shot, and I didn't care about that, but I really did have a lot of friends, and I really miss that sometimes. It's lonely going to church knowing that you don't have anyone to look forward to seeing, or to sit next to and write notes to back and forth. It makes it hard to go. (Not that my Primary calling makes it any easier. But that's for a later post.) I'm just so grateful that I do have someone to sit next to. I try to be friendly with other people, but it's been slow going, no thanks to my shyness, which I worry will come across as snobbery, which just makes it worse, and the fact that my husband and I have been Primary since before we had time to really make friends. And I don't care what anyone says, you don't make friends when you are a Primary teacher, at least not easily. There was a group that I used to go to, but my new job has me working the nights that it's held on, at least for now, so I can't go anymore. I really loved going too! So, in short, I miss my old friends, and I regret that I ever stopped having contact with them. Only one thing really gives me any comfort about it. I know that they will still be my friends in the next life and I'm assuming that reconnecting with them when I see them again won't be difficult at all. Since everything will be, you know, perfect.