How I Survive The Holidays (Barely)

I hate the holidays.

I hate the holidays.

I HATE THE HOLIDAYS.

Before you lynch me, hear me out.  After I'm done talking, you can discuss amongst yourselves if I am still worthy of lynching (but my writing will be so witty, by the time you are done, I'll have such a head start you won't be able to catch me).

I hate the ads that tell you to get a 2nd mortgage to afford all the gifts your little precious "deserves".

I hate the commercials shilling the latest and greatest unnecessary item as needs or the one thing that will make you happy.

I hate the obligatory "well, we know them, so we should get them something even though we only talk once a year" gifts and the expectation that said gift should be reciprocated whether you afford it or not.

I hate hearing people talk about how they are going to only go into a "little" debt for Christmas.

I hate Christmas music. HATE IT.  (Some is very beautiful when done right, and done once.)  And I hate that it is played from October through January, because it makes people buy things.  There are only so many renditions of "Ruldolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" that can be tolerated in 10 minutes (same goes for that crappy Mariah Carey song).

Most of all, I hate the fact that our biggest holiday celebrations center around food.  Food and I do not have a good history, and the pressure to eat everything offered that goes hand in hand with the holidays in our culture is enough to drive me to hide out in my bathroom until it's all over.  I know that there are a lot of other people out there who also have problems with food and feeling a lack of control over it and the holidays, so I thought I would write down my own ways of getting through this sucky time of year in the hopes of helping someone else get through without killing themselves or someone else. 

*Disclaimer:  I am not, and will never be, advocating that absolutely NO eating should be going on as part of a control strategy.  While I am going to try to gear this towards all eating disorders (bulimia, anorexia, over-eating, EDNOS, etc.), the only experience I have is with anorexia, so it may lean that way.  I am trying to write for everyone who struggles though.  I strongly, strongly encourage anyone reading this to keep eating healthy meals throughout the holiday season.  These are just how I stay sane around all the food ridiculousness.  

1.  Keep it simple.  If you are in charge of the cooking of the meal, it is not obligatory to have a huge spread for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  One main course and 1 side plus salad and dessert if you feel like it is more than enough.  It's not obligatory to have a huge spread for either one, in fact.  Granted, if you have 20+ people coming over, there will be a lot of food.  I would recommend passing the responsibility of hosting and cooking to others, and taking a pass yourself, if that is going to be the case.  In fact, even if there is only going to be 5 people, if you feel safer and more in control of the situation by handing off those responsibilities, DO IT.  And you are under no obligation to explain to anyone your reasons for doing this other than you just don't feel like it this year.  If your family knows your situation, by all means, tell them that's why.  If they don't, let them think you are lazy for bringing store-bought rolls or soda.  What they think does not matter; your happiness and sense of self does.  If you feel you can do it, you can always have a simple dinner at home with your significant other (if you have one) and kids (if you have them), and join the family party later, after most of the food has been eaten and hopefully some of the pressure to eat is off because everyone is passed out in front of the TV.

2.  If your family is toxic and a big reason you have problems with food and you know that they are going to do/say things to trigger your eating disorder, STAY AWAY.  It is perfectly okay to do that.  Tell them that your boss is making you work, tell them you are sick, tell them whatever you want, just stay away.  You are never under any obligation to be around people who hurt you, whether they are family, friends or some creepy dude on a subway.  Your safety, sanity and happiness is much more important.  If you need someones' permission to do this, you have mine.

3.  Remind yourself every day that you are in control.  Not food, not your parents, your spouse, your dog.  YOU.  Write it on every mirror in your house so that you see it whenever you look at one.  Add to it "I love you".  Say it to yourself.  You feel like an idiot, but no one is watching you, and it does help.  In fact, I recommend doing this year-round.

4.  Eat slowly, but eat until you are full.  No tricks to make it look like you're eating when you are not.  You know what I mean.  This is one way to learn intuitive eating.  Really try to enjoy what you are eating.  If you look at your plate and there is food left yet you know you are done, then stop eating.  If you want to eat something you normally don't "allow" yourself to eat, give yourself permission to eat it.  And remember, you do not have to clean your plate to be "polite".  You do not have to take seconds (unless you want to).  Basically, eat when you are hungry and stop when you aren't.  If someone gets insulted by you doing this, then that is their problem.  Your priority is you and how comfortable you are.  (*NOTE:  This can be EXTREMELY hard to do.  If you are just starting on your recovery journey, be gentle with yourself and take baby steps.  Skip this step all together if you need to.)

5.  EAT. 

6.  If you have a support group, therapist, or someone who knows your situation and can be your support, use them.  Use them, use them, use them!!!  I can not stress how important this is.  If you feel you do not have any one, I suggest the web board Something Fishy. The link to their forum is here and the link to their home page is here.  While I am not currently active and haven't been for quite sometime, this board has been a huge help to me in the past.  Also, if you know me, I am more than happy to try and be your support, though I will say now that if I think you need more than I can give you, I will let you know.  I will also try to help you find that help.

7.  BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.  The holidays can be some of the worst times of the year to have an eating disorder, whether you are years in to recovery or just starting out.  The pressures can be, and are, huge.  Just do what you can, but DO NOT cope by digging deeper into the eating disorder.  I believe that step number 3, reminding yourself that you love yourself and that you are in control is one of the most important things you can do to get started and keep going.  Even if that's "all" you can do, it is a first step in the right direction of taking control back, it's huge, and it's something to be proud of. 

Here's hoping we all get through this as unscathed as possible.  Happy Holidays.

P.S.  I am not, by any means, perfect at following these steps.  My dad has to follow a special diet, and when he doesn't follow it exactly for one reason or another one day, he just starts again the next day.  Take it one day at a time, try not to worry about what you are going to be doing tomorrow.  Also, trying is perfectly valid.  Screw Yoda.