Dirty Little Secrets

So I was tagged by two people, The Salt Lake Friends and The Florida Friends. Since it is the same thing, I'll just poop it out in one giant brain strain.

I am supposed to tell about 6 quirks I have. This will taking some thinking. *sigh* I just got off work! I don't want to think. . . .

1. I love to color things. I can't draw at all, but give me a picture and lots of cool colors and I am perfectly happy coloring it in. I used to do this a lot more, but not so much now. I don't like to color in simple pictures to often, I like the really complicated pictures. I can make the world so much prettier in a picture than it is in real life.

2. I will use an electric heater year round. I have one under my computer desk that I will turn on to keep my feet warm. I do this even if it's 102 outside and 90 inside. In the winter, I will take the heater with me, and make sure it's blowing directly on me as much as possible. I've been doing this since I was a kid. It's like wrapping up in a really big comforter.

3. I like to pick at peeling things, especially paint. I have to look at other things that aren't peeling if I need to keep my hands off of it. I have even gotten down on the floor of my work and peeled the sealant off (it comes off in big sheets because it needs to be redone). It drives me crazy!

4. If you have a bunch of small things that need to be organized into a certain space, I will happily immerse myself in it for hours. I come up with all sorts of convoluted systems to make something fit. But put me in a big room or house and tell me to organize it, and I will just organize the books. I can't stand big organization projects.

5. Speaking of books, I have to have books, even if I never read them. A room doesn't feel finished to me if there isn't at least one bookshelf full of books there. The bigger the area, the more books it needs. My goal now is to have at least one book shelf of books in every room that we frequent in our house. I just need to get more books, and probably a few more shelves too. And I'll keep any book given to me, even if I know I'll never read it. I love, love, love books.

6. I cover my mouth with my hand when I'm reading a book or reading something on the computer. Fingers under my nose, maybe off to the right a little, and my chin on my palm. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I don't want to do it because I'm worried it will cause my chin and cheeks to break out, but it hasn't happened yet.

So now I tag. . . .well, all the people I know who blog and would be willing to do this have already done it, except The Geologist Friend. You know who you are; tag, your it!

Who missed me?

I had some thoughts on race and racism, but you know what? It doesn't matter. My thoughts, views, and opinions won't change anyone's mind, it will just make them mad. Racism sucks, especially when you are the target of it. Boy, I sure love living here.

Sorry for the lack of posting. Our brand new computer has decided to not work for the last three weeks. We had The Payson Friend look at it, and he tried to fix it. Every time his magic fingers touched something, it worked fine. But as soon as we got it home, well, our computer hard drive is the devil's spawn. So, I'm borrowing a computer from a friend who isn't using it. I am so glad to have it, because reading my class lectures are pretty important. But I wish I had my computer back. There's all sorts of stuff that I need to do, but can't without it. Stupid spawn of Satan.

The Mom is coming for a semi-surprise visit tomorrow. I'm trying to not expect anything of her. Maybe that way I won't stress about what she MIGHT do, and freak out when she doesn't/does do it. I just want to have a good time while she's here. She's leaving Monday, I think, so it's only for a bit. But now I will have to definitely watch conference on Saturday, which I usually don't. Oh well, maybe I'll learn something.

Oh, and I still love my job. I am working freight now, which means I actually have to get up in the morning, but 7:30 in the morning is so much better than 6:30. I've managed it before, I should be able to do it again. The position is a bit more flexible, too. As soon as freight is put away, I can go. Yesterday, it was done by 1. I stayed, because I wanted to make sure I wasn't needed, but it's nice to know that I can leave if something unexpected comes up. And it's nice having dinner with The Man (when we have food). The manager hopes to make me freight assistant, which means 11-5, Monday-Friday. We'll see how much I like that. I enjoy having lots of time off. Gives me time to pretend that I'm going to clean the house. Speaking of which, I have lots of that to do tomorrow before 3. Yay.

A is for Autumn, not A**

Well, Labor Day is past, and the planet is following the calender to a T. It's now officially autumn. At least in my book. The leaves are still on all the trees, the grass is still green (and needs mowing), and the plants in my garden not dead from neglect are still growing. But it's fall. The sky is a different shade of blue, and the air smells different. It's colder at night, and it's not getting near as hot during the day (yay for open windows!), which means we can finally do without air conditioning. I'm waiting for the day when I wake up, look outside, and all the leaves are dead and on the ground. I'm not looking forward to it. I really hate winter. I hate the dead trees, I hate the dirty snow, I hate the cold and the ice. I hate how it feels so much longer than summer does, and I hate hate HATE the clouds. Gray, cloudy days make me depressed before I even know it's cloudy out. I wake up to a different shade of light in my room and I don't want to get out of bed. I get frustrated and grumpy and cry more easily. And no, it's not PMS. At least not most of the time. I don't understand people who get happy on cloudy days. But it seems to me that most people around here are like that. *sigh* I'm surrounded by freaks of nature.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! SAP ALERT! OUT OF CHARACTER MUSHINESS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

But I do love the way autumn feels on my skin. Each season feels different, has a different color to it. Autumn feels golden. That's the best way I can put it. When it's a nice, clear day, no clouds, cool without being freezing, I love autumn. I don't get to see many of those days anymore. I'm too busy being inside all the time, playing at being a grown up. I'm starting to really understand why my parents and old people wax nostalgic all the time about the past and their childhood. I'm starting to do it myself. You kids don't know how good you've got it! So quit whining! And get off my lawn!

I hope that someday I can really change the way I live, and spend more of it outdoors, just enjoying the outside. Being locked up, hidden away, I miss so much. But I go outside, and sometimes it makes it all better, if only for a few minutes. Then Dog 2 pees on the lawn, Dog 1 starts eating the grass (maybe I should let her, then at least it would be shorter), I hear some punk kid playing their music too loud, and the wind blows and I get cold, so I go inside, forgetting why I liked being outside in the first place. Autumn is just too damn confusing.

The Dark Night

I recently saw "The Dark Knight" twice in a week. Last Saturday, and last night. Both times with good friends.

I didn't like it.

Okay, okay, fists down. I know it was a good movie. It was excellently done. Heath Ledger lived up to all the hype about how well he played the Joker. They were obviously planning on using him again. I think it would be an incredibly stupid move if they tried to replace him with another, even if he died early in the next movie. But then, Jack Nicholson (did I spell that right?) was considered the definitive Joker for years, that he couldn't be topped. Michael Keaton was also considered the definitive Batman too, until Christian Bale stepped in. I think Jack Nicholson played The Joker as he was seen in the comics. And he did a fantastic job. Scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. But the new Batman series seems to be striving to make Gotham, Batman, and all it's characters more realistic, and less like it came from a comic book world. That's how Heath Ledger played him, and I like that.

So why don't I like the movie? Well, it's violent. A lot of people die. There isn't any blood, at all, but it is violent. And I don't like violence. I don't like "seeing" people die, or get hurt. It makes me not like a movie. I didn't like King Kong for the same reason (that includes the Faye Wray version). It disturbs me. I have decided that my favorite genre of movies is comedies (even though I'm picky about them, too). I like intensity, I like drama, I don't like death, I don't like pain. You'd never know that, with the fact that I love to watch crime dramas, and Court TV. I guess I don't like fictional death. Anyway, that's the reason I didn't enjoy seeing the movie. Too bad, because it really was well done. I highly recommend it.

Oh, and it's nowhere NEAR as dark as a lot of people have been saying. Except that a lot of it takes place at night. And your in a dark theater. And you'll probably go at night, so it's dark outside. But that's as dark as it gets. Still, don't take your kids to see it.

Prayer and Consequences

So, lately I have been praying for the ability to take responsibility for my own life. Not every day, or even regularly, but I have, when it has occurred to me to ask. Because I know that I shouldn't like playing the blame game as much as I do. But, man, does the blame game make life easier for myself (not necessarily for others; it probably just pisses them off). But, in fairness to those around me, I'm trying to stop. Because if I want to end up with friends when I die, I need to stop blaming everyone and everything when something goes wrong. As for the consequences for that prayer? Well, now I have the opportunity to not play the blame-game with The Mom and take responsibility for my half of our crappy, crappy relationship. She sent me a letter that totally threw me for a loop, making me see her as a person, (I know, an actual person!) rather than as just a mom. Grrrr! It was all so much easier before! But, when The Man gets off the phone, I feel that I have to call her to respond to this letter. I would write one back, but I can't stand non-instant communication in situations like this. The faster I get them over with (with all the requisite crying) the better. I have no idea if this will actually change things between me and The Mom. I hoping it does. We've done this so many, many times and I feel like it has always back-fired on me. But I'm going to keep trying, because, well, I asked for it.

Dang you Heavenly Father! When I prayed for this, I didn't mean for it to happen! *shaking of fist to the sky*

(I would have said damn, but you can't really damn Him, since He's the only one who can do the damning, and I would probably be damned myself for damning Him, and I really don't want that. Damn damn damn damn damn.)

Good to get that out of my system.

Now, let's see if I can take responsibility for myself and my actions, AND own up to them. Slow going, I'm sure, but so be it. I'm counting on doing this making me a better person. I know, I know, you all think I'm perfect. Sorry to bust your bubble, but I'm not. No, really, I'm not. Not till next week anyway. Then I will be.

*sigh* I guess I just have to do this, no matter how much I don't want to. I did ask for it. Here's to hoping that I make it.