(I hope you can read it, I made it as big as I knew how. Maybe if you click on it. . . .)
Monday, November 16, 2009
2012 Is Coming! Doom To All Mankind!
And this, folks, just about perfectly describes how I feel about the year 2012.
(I hope you can read it, I made it as big as I knew how. Maybe if you click on it. . . .)
(I hope you can read it, I made it as big as I knew how. Maybe if you click on it. . . .)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Because I Get Asked This Every Year, Multiple Times
Or,
Why I Hate The Holidays
I really do get asked this every year, so many times that by the time they are finally over, I want to strangle anyone who asks me. I get so tired of the astonishment that people have over the fact that someone, somewhere, doesn't thoroughly enjoy the holiday season. And though I don't believe that this post will in anyway get people to stop asking me (if anything, I will get more questions), I'm going to post it anyway. So there.
(This is in no particular order.)
1. The people. They are EVERYWHERE. I generally don't like crowds. Leftovers from my paranoid past. But I can generally handle them, when I'm in an okay to good mood, or if I have The Man with me when I'm in a bad mood. This crowd thing does make certain things difficult to do, like go grocery shopping, or go to church, but I manage with little to no problems most times. But during the holiday shopping season? Think again. The amount of people out seems to go up by a thousand overnight. Suddenly you can't set foot in a store anywhere, at any time of the day or night, without being mauled by people. Don't even get me started on the mall. And the screaming children, who are screaming because they aren't getting something they want, or because they have had nothing but sugar all day, or because they are tired and bored, are the cherry on the top of the poop pile. I do understand that all children scream, and I know that most parents try their best to keep their children reigned in, and that if the only time you have to go shopping is at 10 o'clock at night, and your a single parent, that you really don't have much choice other than to bring your children with you, but still, the screaming just shreds my nerves. It's great birth control, let me tell you. And I hate being touched by strangers, in anyway, unless I am/have been introduced to them, and it's guaranteed that I will be bumped (shoved?) by multiple someones if I go out in public. Ick.
2. The chaos. Good grief. Chaos in the stores, on the roads, at work, at home, in families, with friends, in the airports, on TV. It's EVERYWHERE.
3. The materialism, real or pushed by the media. One of my most hated days of the year is Black Friday. I do NOT understand that day. I know the theory behind it is that stores hold these amazing sales that will get them so much money that they won't be in the red, but in the black. Black Friday. But the image it conjures in my mind is much more disturbing and involves Satan. Forget Halloween. Satan rules on Black Friday. I don't know why people would subject themselves to the kind of abuse that gets rained on them, and by them, for STUFF. I think I could understand it if it was happening because Christ had returned and Wal-Mart happened to be where he was holding court (is that what He would do? I don't really know), but for a digital photo frame? Come on. I know people do it because they want to save money on gifts that they know everyone will think is great, but I would personally prefer some cookies or something. Cookies are cheap, and everyone loves cookies. Or a visit. I love to talk. I don't need more things, I have too many as it is. Show me your love for me by being my friend outside of Christmas obligation to give every person you have ever laid eyes on a gift or card. I need more friends that really care about me than I do anything else, and I believe that's true for everyone.
Of course, I may just hate Black Friday because of the crowds.
4. The music. I was actually called satanic for not liking Christmas music. Lovely. But when it starts in mid-October, and plays until mid-January, everyone is sick of it. Especially the attempts by pop/rock singers or bands to make Christmas music. The various variations of O Come All Ye Faithful, or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, disgust me. And they are the same song, the same tune, just sung by someone else. A billion times a day. I have one favorite, but even that one I get sick of by the end. And the attempts at new Christmas music? Give up. I've never heard a good one. They are all sappy and disgusting. And stop playing the Mariah Carey one. Oh My Swear Word. I hate it. It makes my ears bleed. Really.
5. It's cold. There is snow on the ground. And it's probably cloudy out. See my previous post on cloudy days. I hate them with a passion. And I'm terrified of freezing to death. I have no idea why, I've never remotely come close to it. But I am. And telling me that it's a good way to die does NOT help. Give me heat stroke any day.
6. The food. IT'S EVERYWHERE. Now, this is an aspect of the holidays that most people like. An excuse to forget about their diets, and to attempt to give themselves either a heart attack or diabetes in 2 months. And that's fine. More power to you. But when you have an eating disorder (I might as well announce it to the world: Anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia. Yep, that's the one), the food is a terrible, terrible thing. The constant talk about how much weight everyone is gaining, and how much they hate it, as they stick another cookie on their plate, but aren't going to do anything about it. Any comments on my own weight, or my looks in general that aren't centered on my gorgeous face, are so much harder for me to take this time of year. They are hard to take anyway, but it's 10 times worse, at least, when I hear it at a party with massive amounts of food, even if it's a compliment. The kinds of food that are cooked and offered. The FAT. The CALORIES. The SUGAR that just turns into fat. AAAAAAUUUUUUGH! And it seems so hard for people to get. I just CAN'T eat like that. And yes, I know I'm not skinny anymore, but that doesn't mean jack shit when it comes to this stuff. It's all in my head. And it's not fun.
(Please, don't start thinking that I'm judging you to be fat or judging YOU to be anything at all if I happen to see you eat anything. I'm usually just focusing on the food and what's in it, and struggling with wanting to eat it, but thinking that one bite will make me explode with fat, and judging MYSELF. It's all about me and the food, and I never think about the person who is actually eating the food.)
7. The obligations. The obligations to go to parties, or to give people gifts, or to send out cards to people you never see or talk to or communicate with at all except with said card. The obligation to be happy and cheerful and decorative and excited. I'm excited all right. I'm excited for it all to be over for another year.
8. And finally (finally!) the lack of time. I would much rather spend this time of year alone in my house with my husband, just spending time with him. I don't want to travel, I don't want to go to a party, I don't want to host a party, I don't want to go shopping. I want to spend it with my family. Here. And those nights that I get to, are the sweetest parts of this time of year. Until the dogs start chasing the cats, getting into the garbage, and barking at every person who decides to drive by.
I can't wait for this to be over.
Why I Hate The Holidays
I really do get asked this every year, so many times that by the time they are finally over, I want to strangle anyone who asks me. I get so tired of the astonishment that people have over the fact that someone, somewhere, doesn't thoroughly enjoy the holiday season. And though I don't believe that this post will in anyway get people to stop asking me (if anything, I will get more questions), I'm going to post it anyway. So there.
(This is in no particular order.)
1. The people. They are EVERYWHERE. I generally don't like crowds. Leftovers from my paranoid past. But I can generally handle them, when I'm in an okay to good mood, or if I have The Man with me when I'm in a bad mood. This crowd thing does make certain things difficult to do, like go grocery shopping, or go to church, but I manage with little to no problems most times. But during the holiday shopping season? Think again. The amount of people out seems to go up by a thousand overnight. Suddenly you can't set foot in a store anywhere, at any time of the day or night, without being mauled by people. Don't even get me started on the mall. And the screaming children, who are screaming because they aren't getting something they want, or because they have had nothing but sugar all day, or because they are tired and bored, are the cherry on the top of the poop pile. I do understand that all children scream, and I know that most parents try their best to keep their children reigned in, and that if the only time you have to go shopping is at 10 o'clock at night, and your a single parent, that you really don't have much choice other than to bring your children with you, but still, the screaming just shreds my nerves. It's great birth control, let me tell you. And I hate being touched by strangers, in anyway, unless I am/have been introduced to them, and it's guaranteed that I will be bumped (shoved?) by multiple someones if I go out in public. Ick.
2. The chaos. Good grief. Chaos in the stores, on the roads, at work, at home, in families, with friends, in the airports, on TV. It's EVERYWHERE.
3. The materialism, real or pushed by the media. One of my most hated days of the year is Black Friday. I do NOT understand that day. I know the theory behind it is that stores hold these amazing sales that will get them so much money that they won't be in the red, but in the black. Black Friday. But the image it conjures in my mind is much more disturbing and involves Satan. Forget Halloween. Satan rules on Black Friday. I don't know why people would subject themselves to the kind of abuse that gets rained on them, and by them, for STUFF. I think I could understand it if it was happening because Christ had returned and Wal-Mart happened to be where he was holding court (is that what He would do? I don't really know), but for a digital photo frame? Come on. I know people do it because they want to save money on gifts that they know everyone will think is great, but I would personally prefer some cookies or something. Cookies are cheap, and everyone loves cookies. Or a visit. I love to talk. I don't need more things, I have too many as it is. Show me your love for me by being my friend outside of Christmas obligation to give every person you have ever laid eyes on a gift or card. I need more friends that really care about me than I do anything else, and I believe that's true for everyone.
Of course, I may just hate Black Friday because of the crowds.
4. The music. I was actually called satanic for not liking Christmas music. Lovely. But when it starts in mid-October, and plays until mid-January, everyone is sick of it. Especially the attempts by pop/rock singers or bands to make Christmas music. The various variations of O Come All Ye Faithful, or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, disgust me. And they are the same song, the same tune, just sung by someone else. A billion times a day. I have one favorite, but even that one I get sick of by the end. And the attempts at new Christmas music? Give up. I've never heard a good one. They are all sappy and disgusting. And stop playing the Mariah Carey one. Oh My Swear Word. I hate it. It makes my ears bleed. Really.
5. It's cold. There is snow on the ground. And it's probably cloudy out. See my previous post on cloudy days. I hate them with a passion. And I'm terrified of freezing to death. I have no idea why, I've never remotely come close to it. But I am. And telling me that it's a good way to die does NOT help. Give me heat stroke any day.
6. The food. IT'S EVERYWHERE. Now, this is an aspect of the holidays that most people like. An excuse to forget about their diets, and to attempt to give themselves either a heart attack or diabetes in 2 months. And that's fine. More power to you. But when you have an eating disorder (I might as well announce it to the world: Anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia anorexia. Yep, that's the one), the food is a terrible, terrible thing. The constant talk about how much weight everyone is gaining, and how much they hate it, as they stick another cookie on their plate, but aren't going to do anything about it. Any comments on my own weight, or my looks in general that aren't centered on my gorgeous face, are so much harder for me to take this time of year. They are hard to take anyway, but it's 10 times worse, at least, when I hear it at a party with massive amounts of food, even if it's a compliment. The kinds of food that are cooked and offered. The FAT. The CALORIES. The SUGAR that just turns into fat. AAAAAAUUUUUUGH! And it seems so hard for people to get. I just CAN'T eat like that. And yes, I know I'm not skinny anymore, but that doesn't mean jack shit when it comes to this stuff. It's all in my head. And it's not fun.
(Please, don't start thinking that I'm judging you to be fat or judging YOU to be anything at all if I happen to see you eat anything. I'm usually just focusing on the food and what's in it, and struggling with wanting to eat it, but thinking that one bite will make me explode with fat, and judging MYSELF. It's all about me and the food, and I never think about the person who is actually eating the food.)
7. The obligations. The obligations to go to parties, or to give people gifts, or to send out cards to people you never see or talk to or communicate with at all except with said card. The obligation to be happy and cheerful and decorative and excited. I'm excited all right. I'm excited for it all to be over for another year.
8. And finally (finally!) the lack of time. I would much rather spend this time of year alone in my house with my husband, just spending time with him. I don't want to travel, I don't want to go to a party, I don't want to host a party, I don't want to go shopping. I want to spend it with my family. Here. And those nights that I get to, are the sweetest parts of this time of year. Until the dogs start chasing the cats, getting into the garbage, and barking at every person who decides to drive by.
I can't wait for this to be over.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Fun With Rodents
Well, things are going better. Much, much better than they have been. I'm working hard at taking control of my life and taking responsibility for my choices, and NOT blaming myself for others choices. So much support and love has been shown to me by all my friends and family during this whole thing, and while I know it's not over, not by a long shot, not if I want to actually heal completely this time, I want you all to know that it has been felt, and it was, and is, very very very appreciated. So many people offered help and support. There were days that I was amazed at how many people offered it (though I'm sure many where crossing every appendage they could in hopes that I wouldn't take them up on it. Not because they didn't really want to help, but because they didn't know what they would do if I did. I've been there. I totally get it). Prayers were given, and they have helped. I'm not out of the woods, and I still can't see the light (Yay! Cliches are SO COOL!), but I don't feel so alone anymore. At least, not on my good days. So, a big fat thank you to all of you. I hope to return the favor someday. I will hunt you down to do it, too.
On to other happenings (not news, since news does not happen in my family).
We have had a working, but unused fridge, for a year and a half now. The Parents bought us a brand new, energy star one for our anniversary the year we bought our house. The other one worked fine, but it was small, and we had to use bungee cords to be able to use one of the shelves on the fridge door. Ghetto appliances are fun. Anyway, there is a local refrigerator recycling program run/sponsored by the electric company that will take away fridges and freezers for free, and then PAY YOU 30 bucks for the privilege. What a deal! (It used to be 40, though. I feel shafted.) And they give you a booklet that tells you all the rebates you can get for getting energy star appliances, AND 2 free energy saving light bulbs. Too bad they don't work well on lights with dimmers. Because that's pretty much every light in our house. So sad.
ANYWAY, we had problems getting them to come to our house, no because we are ghetto white trash (have you SEEN our front yard? I hope not. It's embarrassing), but because for the longest time the only available pickup days were when I had to work all day, and couldn't be home. Then, when we finally managed to get one on a different day of the week, it was a day that we would be out of town. But they finally were able to come today. So, the fridge is gone, and we can now seriously start looking at stoves, as we plan on putting one in the little nook that the fridge sat in. Because having a separate stove top and oven, sucks. Don't do it. It's not cool. It's lame. Not trendy. Really.
But the noteworthy thing of the whole story: There was a dead mouse underneath that fridge. So dead, that it was stuck to the floor.
So dead, and so covered in that appliance dirt that appliances attract, that the first time we pulled the fridge out to clean back there, we didn't even notice it. It was just another dust bunny that needed to be vacuumed up. But it wasn't. Some of the dirt didn't come up when I vacuumed, so I was doing some scrubbing, and when I went to scrub that particular lump, IT'S HEAD CAME OFF. I still didn't notice it was a mouse until I noticed the tail.
Oh.
My.
****************.
It was so gross. And it was so stuck, I actually had to SCRAPE the thing off.
Ick.
Ick.
Ick.
ICK!
Thankfully, The Man made me wear gloves from the beginning, because there were old mouse turds back there. We know they are old, because at least one of our cats will hunt and kill mice (she did it in one of our apartments), and we have seen no evidence of them in the house except behind old appliances. And I was bleaching the floor as well. After finding the actual mouse, it was bleached about 3 more times.
It still gives me the willies. Mice don't bother me, they really don't I think they are kind of cute. Unless they are dead. And stuck to my floor. With no head.
That will bother me.
As it should anyone.
On to other happenings (not news, since news does not happen in my family).
We have had a working, but unused fridge, for a year and a half now. The Parents bought us a brand new, energy star one for our anniversary the year we bought our house. The other one worked fine, but it was small, and we had to use bungee cords to be able to use one of the shelves on the fridge door. Ghetto appliances are fun. Anyway, there is a local refrigerator recycling program run/sponsored by the electric company that will take away fridges and freezers for free, and then PAY YOU 30 bucks for the privilege. What a deal! (It used to be 40, though. I feel shafted.) And they give you a booklet that tells you all the rebates you can get for getting energy star appliances, AND 2 free energy saving light bulbs. Too bad they don't work well on lights with dimmers. Because that's pretty much every light in our house. So sad.
ANYWAY, we had problems getting them to come to our house, no because we are ghetto white trash (have you SEEN our front yard? I hope not. It's embarrassing), but because for the longest time the only available pickup days were when I had to work all day, and couldn't be home. Then, when we finally managed to get one on a different day of the week, it was a day that we would be out of town. But they finally were able to come today. So, the fridge is gone, and we can now seriously start looking at stoves, as we plan on putting one in the little nook that the fridge sat in. Because having a separate stove top and oven, sucks. Don't do it. It's not cool. It's lame. Not trendy. Really.
But the noteworthy thing of the whole story: There was a dead mouse underneath that fridge. So dead, that it was stuck to the floor.
So dead, and so covered in that appliance dirt that appliances attract, that the first time we pulled the fridge out to clean back there, we didn't even notice it. It was just another dust bunny that needed to be vacuumed up. But it wasn't. Some of the dirt didn't come up when I vacuumed, so I was doing some scrubbing, and when I went to scrub that particular lump, IT'S HEAD CAME OFF. I still didn't notice it was a mouse until I noticed the tail.
Oh.
My.
****************.
It was so gross. And it was so stuck, I actually had to SCRAPE the thing off.
Ick.
Ick.
Ick.
ICK!
Thankfully, The Man made me wear gloves from the beginning, because there were old mouse turds back there. We know they are old, because at least one of our cats will hunt and kill mice (she did it in one of our apartments), and we have seen no evidence of them in the house except behind old appliances. And I was bleaching the floor as well. After finding the actual mouse, it was bleached about 3 more times.
It still gives me the willies. Mice don't bother me, they really don't I think they are kind of cute. Unless they are dead. And stuck to my floor. With no head.
That will bother me.
As it should anyone.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Just Because I Owe You
I've been wanting to post something, ANYTHING, but my mind has been a complete blank. Well, a more specific blank than my usual blankness. The zombies would never find me, because I have blank eyes too. It's my survival tactic. (Shut up, The Delicious One! It will TOO work!)
I think we are coming back from the brink of death by pig flu. The Man is doing much better. We are still waiting to see if he turns into a pig at the full moon. How much fun would that be! I've always wanted a pet pig. They are supposed to be smarter than dogs. And pretty clean, too.
I actually did some chores around the house today. For a few minutes. I mostly played Lego Star Wars (woot!). I'm glad that we're feeling better though. You always dream of being able to stay home for a week straight because your sick or something, but damn, it's BORING!!!!! Don't be jealous. Really. The only places we've been for more than a week is the grocery store to pick up sickness stuff and frozen dinners, and that was last Sunday. Oh yeah, and Dell Taco on Friday and Hollywood Video last night. I swear, absolutely no where. And video games get really old really quick. See, when you're home because you're sick, you have no energy to do anything else, so you sit around and stare at things, until you manage to feel better enough to pick up a video game controller. I finally beat Lego Indiana Jones, because I had nothing better to do with my time. I didn't even have the energy to go to the library and get books (not that they would have wanted me there). Maybe tomorrow. If I don't go to work. Which I'm sure I will. They've missed me, I just know it. Someone has to the keep The Boss Man in line. I'm sure he's completely out of control.
So yeah,
I'm Back!!!!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Sappy Sappiness For Those Who Lurve Me
The Delicious One from work (you know who you are) told me today that when she reads my blog, she feels so sad for me, and sad that she can't do more to cheer me up. Well, let me tell you, The Delicious One and all the rest of The Work Friends (you will get labels later, when I'm not so tired and lazy), you do help. I never laugh so hard anywhere as I do at work. You guys get me out of my self-absorbed over analytical mess for a couple of hours when I'm there, and get me to enjoy a little bit of my day. Even though work stresses me out so very much right now because of lack of control over certain things that I want control over (Death to the freight manager! Mutiny! MUTINY!), I still enjoy 90% of it. I feel so special when so many people at least ACT like they are happy to see me. You don't try to fix my problems, you just hang around and talk to me, as if you actually LIKE me the way I am! Imagine that!
The hugs are good too. I like hugs. And the butt slapping. And all the things we do that could so be sexual harassment if you guys weren't so damned awesome. So, don't feel bad, don't feel like there's nothing you can do, because you already are, just by wanting to be my friend. By not caring how self absorbed I am, or if I'm a good little Mormon or not, or if I'm hypocritical, or selfish, or don't have kids yet, or whatever. Work is one place that I don't feel judged by anyone, ever. And work is one place that I know if someone did, I could sic all of you on the person doing it. Like I said, you're all damned awesome, and that's the best kind of awesome you can be.
If you feel you must do something, just hug me (The Delicious One, you don't have to. Just make some dirty joke, you hug Nazi). And don't get all weird if I start to cry (it happens often these days).
And if you tell anyone that I got sappy, I will make you work with the freight manager. And you know I'll do it. Love ya! Mwah!
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