Frustrations, Jealousies, and Secrets. Boo Yah!

I've been thinking about this post since last night. Granted, I'm probably PMSing, and I always get more emotional when it's late at night too, and I obsess about so much stuff when I try to go to bed (a big reason I avoid it). So, probably not a lot of wittiness in this post. It's nice to take a break from my astounding wit, I promise!

So, let's start with jealousies:
1. I'm jealous of those that at least appear to have money, if not have it. For some strange reason, I am under the impression that if I had a lot of money, I would be more satisfied and secure feeling. Not happy, just secure. I wouldn't have to worry about how much food I am buying every week. I have no idea if I would feel more secure, but I imagine that I would. It would also mean that I could quit working and actually do what I want, which is learn to take care of my house.

2. I'm jealous of naturally organized people. Because I'm not. Not that this usually bothers me. It just does right now. I blame genetics for it. You should have seen my dad's office when he had one. The Mom tried very hard to beat . . . .errrr, train this out of me growing up. It didn't work.

3. I'm jealous of those who have kids. Partly because I feel if I just had some, I would have some way to connect with someone my age in my ward, at least as a conversation opener. But it's a pretty small part. The rest of my reasons are a pretty sore subject.

And for the first secret:

1. I hate the telephone. Hate it with a fiery, burning passion. I will ignore phone calls just because I don't want to pick up the phone. Not because I don't want to talk to the person calling, but because I hate the phone. This is a true secret, because I don't think I've ever told anyone this. I've never had someone call and leave a message on my machine telling me to pick up because they know I'm there. They just assume I'm not there, and leave a nice message asking me to call back. And I never do. Because I hate calling people back, too. Because of this, people stop calling me. It's a very big reason I don't have, and won't get, a cell. It's still cheaper to have a house phone, for the 2 calls we get a week.

2. I would love to get so many calls from people who want to do stuff with me that I would have to get a cell. But I don't. I do have a hard time doing things without The Man (I love him so), but still, I would love to have my own friends who would hang out with me even if he wasn't around. This makes me very, very sad. Extremely. Totally not kidding. Really. *sob*

3. I have problems feeling like I have gotten my point across and that people understand. I also worry a lot about how much of me people can tolerate before they find me disgusting or weird.

4. I have an eating disorder. I will probably always have it. No, I don't look like I have one, but trust me, it is a daily struggle. If I'm given the opportunity, I will talk my brains out about it. It drives me nuts that people don't talk about it. It's not something I'm ashamed of, but it does make other people uncomfortable, which I am desperate to show isn't necessary. Yes, be sympathetic, or empathetic, or whatever word would fit, but you don't need to squirm. If you have questions, ask. Please. The more people know about this, the better it will be for everyone.

5. I LOVE dirty jokes. LOVE THEM. It's hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes, because you never know who would be offended. But my mind is always in the gutter. And I love it. And if I could, I would swear like a sailor. But I want people to actually read my blog. And talk to me. So I keep it under wraps, for the most part. Unless I'm mad.

6. If I didn't wear garments, I would totally dress like a slut. Of course that would mean I would have to exercise, so that I didn't look absolutely disgusting.

7. I hate exercise, almost as much as I hate the phone. The only exercise I have ever done, that I loved, was horse back riding. And if I ever get all the money I want, I will have at least one horse. The Man will just have to deal (he doesn't like horses).

8. I want to learn about computers. But not enough to go to school for it. I just want someone computer savvy to give me lessons. Awesome. And I want to know how to make my own damn blogger backgrounds and stuff. I see all these cute blogs, but I don't know the first thing about getting my own to look that way, and looking for instructions online has been a futile effort. So I'm putting out the call. Teach me!

9. My thoughts revolve around food.

Frustrations (since I'm apparently labeling the lists):

1. My job. I love where I work. I hate being a cashier. I'm 28, why am I still doing that kind of work? Because I have a crappy, crappy back. Though The Massage Therapist friend did say that it's gotten tons better since he started working on me (if anyone needs a really good massage therapist, I can totally hook you up). And the sessions have gotten a lot less painful. But because of my back, I can't do most of the higher up positions at my job, because they require a lot of heavy lifting, and from awkward positions. Poop.

2. Not being able to stay at home and take care of said home. I hate the days I work. I never do anything around the house because if I get started, I have a hard time stopping so that I can go do MORE work. You'd think my house would be a lot cleaner than it is, but alas, I'm not wanting to clean. Not every day at least (once a month is more my style). I just want to move things around and change stuff. That's fun.

3. That The Man is so stressed. And I can do absolutely nothing to make it better.

4. When I see someone that I know has no money, constantly buying things they really can't afford. This is especially annoying when it involves food and kitchen things. I know some name brand things taste better than the generic, but really, it doesn't happen that often. Yet there they are, buying the name brand stuff, because they believe it tastes better, or because that's what they grew up with and they refuse to switch, or whatever their reasons. I just want to shake them and tell them how silly they are and show them how much money the could save if they just switched to generic stuff. I guess this is more of an annoyance, really. But I know how much you can save by switching, because I had to do it. And for the same reason, I know it tastes the same. (I am talking about canned goods and processed crap here. I don't buy generic meat, and don't recommend buying generic meat, because the quality is just shit. And my body knows it.) Of course, they may be using coupons, something I don't do. So maybe I should keep quiet. I'm not good at that though.

5. That my thoughts revolve around food. How nice it must be to not constantly be thinking or worrying about it.



Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I guess that's it. I had a bunch more stuff in my head last night, but sleep apparently wiped all that from my memory. Oh well. This is stuff I've been wanting to get out for a while, but it took me a long time to decide to post it. The next post will be much better, and loads more interesting. Something interesting has to happen to me first, though. So it might be a while. ANYway.............