While I don't have a scholarly source for this, it is something to think about. I've never liked the big deal people made about the X replacing Christ in Christmas. But then, I hate Christmas, and the rest of the holidays. Anyway, I found the quote on the number 1 listing on this page.
"Many well-meaning Christians are upset by Xmas, rather than Christmas, on Christmas cards and greetings. They see the X as a way to “take Christ out of Christmas.” Actually, the opposite is true. X is the Greek letter Chi, the first letter of the word Christ. It was used originally to prevent the disrespectful overuse of the Savior’s title in greetings and correspondence."
So there.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Dear Prudence
Warning: This post will sound a bit crazy. Well, crazier than usual, anyway.
You know how people will ask you sometimes, if you could have anything you could wish for, what would it be? Most people (okay, everyone except possibly the Prophet, and Jesus) would ask for money, or for something that could only be solved by having more money. I have to say, having more money would be very nice. Especially if it never ran out. Very nice. But if I was asked that today, right now, I wouldn't ask for that. Nope. Maybe tomorrow.
I would wish that I could be happy.
No, scratch that. I would wish that I could be joyful. To me, happiness is nice, but joy runs deep, and won't go away, once you have it.
I would wish that my confusion would go away. That I would stop questioning myself and my motives for anything and everything I do.
I would wish that I would wake up tomorrow and find myself.
I would wish to never have to question the love people have for me, to always believe that someone, somewhere, really does love me, and care about me, and take comfort in that.
I would wish that I didn't believe that I have dragged so many through my dirt.
I would wish that I had no dirt to drag people through.
I would wish to be able to look up, no matter where I am, and believe.
I would wish to be able to see.
About a month ago, I met a very nice girl, very late at night (that is significant, the time). She is so sweet, and so kind. She trusts so easily, at least, she trusted me, and my friend. She is so open and loving. So believing in the small things. She finds wonder in things like textures, and smells. And colors. She loves colors. She could get lost in colors. But she has been hurt so badly, and is very shy. She doesn't like to come outside, so seeing her was a small miracle.
I called her Prudence. The name just fits. Plus, if you know the song, it fits too. Because she's been hiding ever since.
And that is the biggest wish I have. To see her again. To know her, and learn from her. But I'm also afraid of her, because if I do see her again, and she stays, I will lose myself. See, she may trust me, but I don't trust her. I have been hurt far too many times to trust someone so simple. It's the simple ones that always hurt you the most. It's the simple ones that leave the deepest scars. It's the simple ones that have the most murderous plots and designs on your soul. And it's the simple trust that is so easily broken. But still, there is that voice, that desire, to see her again. Especially when I hear that song. But I just know she will burn me. I just know it.
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, open up your eyes
Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies
The wind is low, the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence won't you open up your eyes?
Look around round round
Look around round round
Oh look around
Dear Prudence, let me see you smile
Dear Prudence, like a little child
The clouds will be a daisy chain
So let me see you smile again
Dear Prudence won't you let me see you smile?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play?
I like to imagine that someone cares enough about her to sing that song to her, and mean it. And that she would believe it.
You know how people will ask you sometimes, if you could have anything you could wish for, what would it be? Most people (okay, everyone except possibly the Prophet, and Jesus) would ask for money, or for something that could only be solved by having more money. I have to say, having more money would be very nice. Especially if it never ran out. Very nice. But if I was asked that today, right now, I wouldn't ask for that. Nope. Maybe tomorrow.
I would wish that I could be happy.
No, scratch that. I would wish that I could be joyful. To me, happiness is nice, but joy runs deep, and won't go away, once you have it.
I would wish that my confusion would go away. That I would stop questioning myself and my motives for anything and everything I do.
I would wish that I would wake up tomorrow and find myself.
I would wish to never have to question the love people have for me, to always believe that someone, somewhere, really does love me, and care about me, and take comfort in that.
I would wish that I didn't believe that I have dragged so many through my dirt.
I would wish that I had no dirt to drag people through.
I would wish to be able to look up, no matter where I am, and believe.
I would wish to be able to see.
About a month ago, I met a very nice girl, very late at night (that is significant, the time). She is so sweet, and so kind. She trusts so easily, at least, she trusted me, and my friend. She is so open and loving. So believing in the small things. She finds wonder in things like textures, and smells. And colors. She loves colors. She could get lost in colors. But she has been hurt so badly, and is very shy. She doesn't like to come outside, so seeing her was a small miracle.
I called her Prudence. The name just fits. Plus, if you know the song, it fits too. Because she's been hiding ever since.
And that is the biggest wish I have. To see her again. To know her, and learn from her. But I'm also afraid of her, because if I do see her again, and she stays, I will lose myself. See, she may trust me, but I don't trust her. I have been hurt far too many times to trust someone so simple. It's the simple ones that always hurt you the most. It's the simple ones that leave the deepest scars. It's the simple ones that have the most murderous plots and designs on your soul. And it's the simple trust that is so easily broken. But still, there is that voice, that desire, to see her again. Especially when I hear that song. But I just know she will burn me. I just know it.
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, open up your eyes
Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies
The wind is low, the birds will sing
That you are part of everything
Dear Prudence won't you open up your eyes?
Look around round round
Look around round round
Oh look around
Dear Prudence, let me see you smile
Dear Prudence, like a little child
The clouds will be a daisy chain
So let me see you smile again
Dear Prudence won't you let me see you smile?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence, greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play?
I like to imagine that someone cares enough about her to sing that song to her, and mean it. And that she would believe it.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Forget Sucking, It Teabags
What can I say? My life is an emotional rollercoaster. For years, I've been coasting by on my awesome good looks (you know I'm hot!), but now, things can't be fixed by that. My life is seriously crashing all around me, and I'm struggling to find the pieces so I can put them back together. And on top of this, our computer hard drive crashed, our dog has food allergies that are bad enough that we will probably have to get pretty expensive food for her, our newer car is the one that isn't working, our bills just keep getting higher, I have a final that I'm supposed to be studying for right now that I'm pretty certain I won't do well on, and my immediate manager at work sucks at his job -I could do a much better job- yet I have to listen to him. The Man is super stressed too. He hates his job, but can't find another one because he has no training in anything else, and I'm sure I'm not helping his stress level at all by constantly bitching about mine. And some very, very, very good friends will be leaving soon, and it makes me very, very, very sad. I know that this move will give them better opportunities than they have ever had to better their lives, but still. I want them close. I'm jealous that they get to keep each other. They're mine, damn it, you can't have them! *shaking of fists*
The Parents are, amazingly and thankfully, doing a fantastic job of keeping their noses out of this. For once, they aren't asking questions, and not getting mad if I don't tell them everything. They are respecting the distance that I set up with them. It's taking some getting used to. I'm very wary of this, and don't trust that it will last. But The In-Laws are moving here in a couple of years, which makes me very, very happy!
I can't wait for this crappy, crappy summer to be over. Even though that means fall and winter and cloudy skies and cold weather and I hate those things so very very much. Maybe I'll just hide under my bed with all the dog and cat hair until spring comes. Then, when I crawl out to finally shower the crust off, The Man will have a new job that will pay the bills AND make him happy, the cars will never break down again, and neither will our computer, and The Boss Man will tell me that I'm now the Freight Manager because The Crappy One fell off the face of the earth and no one can do the job quite like my amazing self. And maybe I'll actually have my mind put back together enough to actually believe it.
P.S. Expect some very depressing posts for a while. You have my permission to ignore them.
The Parents are, amazingly and thankfully, doing a fantastic job of keeping their noses out of this. For once, they aren't asking questions, and not getting mad if I don't tell them everything. They are respecting the distance that I set up with them. It's taking some getting used to. I'm very wary of this, and don't trust that it will last. But The In-Laws are moving here in a couple of years, which makes me very, very happy!
I can't wait for this crappy, crappy summer to be over. Even though that means fall and winter and cloudy skies and cold weather and I hate those things so very very much. Maybe I'll just hide under my bed with all the dog and cat hair until spring comes. Then, when I crawl out to finally shower the crust off, The Man will have a new job that will pay the bills AND make him happy, the cars will never break down again, and neither will our computer, and The Boss Man will tell me that I'm now the Freight Manager because The Crappy One fell off the face of the earth and no one can do the job quite like my amazing self. And maybe I'll actually have my mind put back together enough to actually believe it.
P.S. Expect some very depressing posts for a while. You have my permission to ignore them.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Everywhere But Here
So this is just an update, really, since I haven't posted in a while. Life is going on, as usual. There's lots I want to post about, but can't/won't because I know there are people reading this that either a) I don't want them to know what is going on because the judgment will commence or b) see answer a.
I've been debating turning this into an invitation only blog, but then, if I do, and these people ask why I haven't invited them, I wouldn't even be able to lie to them, just tell them that I don't want them reading it. And the judgment will commence, yet again. And I'm very very tired of the judging.
But, let's just say I'm struggling, with a lot of things, and it's hard, and stressful, and depressing, and very very very hurtful. Most of the time, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning (since that would mean I have to actually do something with myself, like shower), or go to bed at night (since that would mean the next day would be here that much sooner). Whether I want to keep going or not with this changes every day, every minute, actually. I have a great support system, but fail miserably at using it. I have strings I have to cut that the cutting of will hurt some people that I do love, somewhere deep down inside; but those strings have turned into a hang-mans noose, and they've got to go, for my own mental stability. But when or how they will get cut is still up in the air. And I've got other stuff on top of that to deal with as well, plus regular life, which is stressful and depressing enough without all the baggage. So, I'm struggling along. I'm hoping that I will get this figured out soon, because I've been dragging most of this around my whole life, and I'm done. Done, but stuck.
And to my support system (you know who you are), I'm going to apologize, once again, for taking so much of your time. If I was paying you, I wouldn't care, but I'm not, and have no way to, but you're still willing to help, and you will never, ever know how much I appreciate it. I just hope that I can actually do something this time, and not just push you and it away so that I'll feel better. Again, thank you, more than you know.
*sigh* Back to the trenches again.
I've been debating turning this into an invitation only blog, but then, if I do, and these people ask why I haven't invited them, I wouldn't even be able to lie to them, just tell them that I don't want them reading it. And the judgment will commence, yet again. And I'm very very tired of the judging.
But, let's just say I'm struggling, with a lot of things, and it's hard, and stressful, and depressing, and very very very hurtful. Most of the time, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning (since that would mean I have to actually do something with myself, like shower), or go to bed at night (since that would mean the next day would be here that much sooner). Whether I want to keep going or not with this changes every day, every minute, actually. I have a great support system, but fail miserably at using it. I have strings I have to cut that the cutting of will hurt some people that I do love, somewhere deep down inside; but those strings have turned into a hang-mans noose, and they've got to go, for my own mental stability. But when or how they will get cut is still up in the air. And I've got other stuff on top of that to deal with as well, plus regular life, which is stressful and depressing enough without all the baggage. So, I'm struggling along. I'm hoping that I will get this figured out soon, because I've been dragging most of this around my whole life, and I'm done. Done, but stuck.
And to my support system (you know who you are), I'm going to apologize, once again, for taking so much of your time. If I was paying you, I wouldn't care, but I'm not, and have no way to, but you're still willing to help, and you will never, ever know how much I appreciate it. I just hope that I can actually do something this time, and not just push you and it away so that I'll feel better. Again, thank you, more than you know.
*sigh* Back to the trenches again.
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