The Beauty of Lacking Consciousness

I always said that my sleep schedule would probably change after I had kids.  Boy was I ever right.  I am wiped by 9 pm most nights.  But just like my baby, I fight sleep, whining and crying about it.  But I'm still almost never asleep later than midnight, most of the time it's 11, and I tell myself every day that I am going to try for 10.  Because, dang it all, I'm tired.  Because I'm up between 6:30 am and 8 am every morning.  In fact, today I got up at 8, and I felt like I had slept in! Even though for the last 1/2 hour of it was spent listening to my baby make happy noises in her crib.

You heard me right.  I said (typed?  spelled?  pushed-little-buttons-onto-computer-chips-resulting-in-letters-forming-into-words-on-a-screen?  The miracles of computers!) crib.  Not cosleeper.  Crib.  4 days ago, I woke up at 6:30 to a baby who was done sleeping for the night.  But I wasn't.  I had barely started.  I was exhausted.  I hadn't gotten more than 4 hours of not-good-sleep a night for about a week, because The Daughter just wouldn't sleep quietly.  She would thrash around, and make little noises, and get upset because her pacifier had fallen out of her mouth yet again.  We usually put her to sleep in her little cradle that we keep in the downstairs bedroom, and would bring her upstairs to her cosleeper when we would go to bed.  She would sleep great until about 12, and then it would begin.  I was soooooo tired.  That morning, I broke down sobbing when The Man got up.  I just wanted to sleep, and sleeping when she does doesn't work, because she only naps for half an hour to an hour at a time, and it takes me that long just to get to sleep.  I was mad at Jesse because he gets to sleep all night

(to clarify:  I'm the only one who gets up, because I'm nursing, and she only gets up to eat.  I would nurse her in bed --in fact, that was the original plan-- but she nurses for at least 20 minutes, if not longer, and I learned that I can't sleep sitting up while holding a baby, or nurse laying down comfortably.  So I take her into her room to nurse, so I can read.)

because he doesn't have to get up with her when she's hungry, and because he can sleep through her little night noises (he does take care of her before bed, for both her and us.  I'm just there as a milk dispenser, really, once he gets home).  I'm a light sleeper if there is any noise in the room I'm in at all, so of course, every thing she did woke me up.  When she was smaller, I slept with her on my chest, and she was much quieter, which is how I managed to make it 3.5 months before totally losing it.  But she's too heavy now to do that.  And she was getting plenty of sleep, she was just loud about it.

ANY way, we put her in her own room that night, to see if I could get more sleep.  And I did!  I was still tired, because I was still alert a little so I could hear her if she cried, but I actually had dreams!  And then the next day, in a minor hostage exchange, The Dog Friends brought us a baby monitor set that they are letting us borrow.  So now, I don't even have to be as alert, because I can definitely hear her.  So for 3 nights in row, I have gotten sleep.  Not great sleep, and I don't expect to get that until she has moved out of the house, but much MUCH better sleep.  And I was sad for only one of those nights.  But she's still close, and she's sleeping fine in her crib (in fact, I think she's sleeping better too), and I still get to hold her and cuddle her when I nurse her.  It's not what I wanted, or what I planned on, but it's what I needed if I was going to be a good parent to her during the day.

And now The Man is getting woken up too, which makes him grumpy.  Thankfully, he knows it comes with the territory, and hasn't gotten mad at me about it.  Just the monitors (we had fun with them last night.  But that's another story).  I now have the energy to watch the teenage angst dramas that played on the WB that I missed seeing when I was in high school (I just started Dawson's Creek.  Next up is Buffy, then probably Felicity.  So angst-y!).  Or blog.  I suppose I could do chores, but where's the fun in that?

Time for:  Random Things About Me That You Never Wanted To Know!

What musician do you love that would surprise people because it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of your favorites?
Hmm, this one is a toughy.  Pretty much everyone knows I love the Beatles.  They are my all time favorite.  Second to them is No Doubt.  3rd in line?  System of a Down.  But I'm not sure how many people would find this surprising.  I know that The Man has been surprised when I told him that I like the eMotive album (or is it Lateralus