So this is just an update, really, since I haven't posted in a while. Life is going on, as usual. There's lots I want to post about, but can't/won't because I know there are people reading this that either a) I don't want them to know what is going on because the judgment will commence or b) see answer a.
I've been debating turning this into an invitation only blog, but then, if I do, and these people ask why I haven't invited them, I wouldn't even be able to lie to them, just tell them that I don't want them reading it. And the judgment will commence, yet again. And I'm very very tired of the judging.
But, let's just say I'm struggling, with a lot of things, and it's hard, and stressful, and depressing, and very very very hurtful. Most of the time, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning (since that would mean I have to actually do something with myself, like shower), or go to bed at night (since that would mean the next day would be here that much sooner). Whether I want to keep going or not with this changes every day, every minute, actually. I have a great support system, but fail miserably at using it. I have strings I have to cut that the cutting of will hurt some people that I do love, somewhere deep down inside; but those strings have turned into a hang-mans noose, and they've got to go, for my own mental stability. But when or how they will get cut is still up in the air. And I've got other stuff on top of that to deal with as well, plus regular life, which is stressful and depressing enough without all the baggage. So, I'm struggling along. I'm hoping that I will get this figured out soon, because I've been dragging most of this around my whole life, and I'm done. Done, but stuck.
And to my support system (you know who you are), I'm going to apologize, once again, for taking so much of your time. If I was paying you, I wouldn't care, but I'm not, and have no way to, but you're still willing to help, and you will never, ever know how much I appreciate it. I just hope that I can actually do something this time, and not just push you and it away so that I'll feel better. Again, thank you, more than you know.
*sigh* Back to the trenches again.
